Tuesday, January 21, 2014

By myself

The sweater and white shirt that seems versatile
The jeans that I haven't worn for a short while,
I wear it just for today
and I feel good by myself

The green bike that I ride everyday
The short path that I haven't through it yet
I travel along the different way
and I feel good by myself

That gloomy evening
That crowd street as I walked alone
Why am I still here
Why am I still like this?

I try to mingle but it will be awkward
I try to standout but I'm just a coward
I have nothing
I really have nothing

The song that always played on radio
Now it's the song that I sing along
I listen to it by myself
And I feel good by myself

The lies that I told everyday
The smile that fake and sad
If only I can have someone
If only I can survive

If only I can feel good by myself.








Monday, January 20, 2014

Locksmiths

Back then, long time ago at the end of semestar 1. That evening was so tiring. There were so many people lining up waiting for the bus at the bus stop - of course. And that was me and bunch of kids, well my classmates talking loudly like nobody cares. As what I remember, the main topic was about Soshi and their members. Meanwhile, we were standing in the middle of human living and as predictable as sinetron drama, there will be a little incident of hand touching others butt and such. Yeah, my hand did touched someone butt and that someone shouted at me with the word "Yah, Taeyeon!" (Well, it because Taeyeon has such a reputation of butt addiction). I just laughed until my eyes closed and by that time, that second and that moment, you suddenly who actually always nearby but the existence never been realized whispered "Byuntae". And I was like, looking at you straight away. "Byuntae?" I repeat that word again. You just nod and said again "Yes, byuntae?" And I kind of amazed, "If you know byuntae.. I bet you know about Taeny?". Then I saw your expression also changed. Become more enthusiastic. "I'm a locksmith." You said casually. And I was like.. "Dang I'm also a locksmith !!" and unconsciously we become a crazy fangirls getting excited all over the place in the middle of hardship, eh in the middle of bus stop. The bus arrived, we still excited about the fact that we met a locksmith gang! (Its rare you know, to meet one in a real life in a new place like this) and while we standing in the bus because none of us get a seat, I asked your Facebook account. And you said that you will add me. I said okay. We both smiled.




The end. LOL.


Sunday, January 19, 2014

Hormone Episode 4

What is hormone?

According to WordWeb dictionary, hormone is the secretion of an endocrine gland that is transmitted by the blood to the tissue on which it has a specific effect.

See?

Specific effect.

Every time we fought,
Every time you mad at me,
Every time I mad at you,
Every time you hurt my feelings,
And every time I hurt yours,

I blame hormone.

Because it has a specific effects that make us overly attached, happy, sad, melancholy, jealous, lustful, crazy, stupid, emotionally unstable - tend to not thinking others perspective, to not care about others feeling, and being selfish.

But if you insists that hormone has nothing to do with us. Then, everything is your faults.

So in the end,

I blame you.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Stupid

When you did wrong things
I'm not angry
I'm just talking to you
With a higher tone
And fierce expression

When you talk to everyone except me
I'm not angry
I just despised
The fact that you ignored me
I still holding on to you

When you hurt my feeling
I'm not angry
Maybe disappointed
Maybe heartbroken
Maybe feel kinda funny
Maybe, maybe because I need to hold that stupid tears
From rolling down sappily
Or maybe just because
You are being a jerk
I'm still deeply falling for you.

Stupid.

Friday, January 10, 2014

30 seconds

4.20pm

"Good night.."

"Lol."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remember getting so sleepy and just falling to bed right after I having my lunch. And now, my roommate asked me to join them watching a movie.

"Seriously guys? to cinema?"

"Yesh! We never watch movie at night" Come on wake up you lazy ass! Haha" She pulled me from my beloved bed and I was dizzy all way around.

"I thought you prefer torrent rather than spending money for ticket"

"I repent already! Btw the others also joins so it will be fun~" She tried to persuade me using our others housemates. And coincidentally they all standing besides me with a ^__^ face. Damn, i don't have an urge to refuse that.

"Alright, lets go then!"



**


"Wow, 3D malay movie? Awesome wayy" Shouted me kind of excited since I never watch 3D movie before. Well I only used to go watching movie at cinema once back then when I'm 14. What a naive kid I am.  So all of us entered the cinema with a big bucket of popcorn and of course the 3D glasses. I wonder if can bring it back home~

"I never heard about this film before..is it interesting?" asked me to my roommate aka the host for this outing. She just syuhh me and eat her popcorn. And I ate her popcorn too (I didnt buy one since popcorn is too mainstream).

30 Seconds

"30 seconds? what a unique title for a malay movie.." Comment me with a mouth full of other's popcorn. They syuuhh me again. Okay i will be focused and keep silenced already.

The actors kind of familiar with me since they got Harun Salim Bachik, I cant remember his name but he is veteran actor, Zed Zaidi, Iqram Dinzly and many more. The story is about 2 master chefs who really master in cooking any kind of cuisine. They have known with a skills to prepare something simple less than 30 seconds! They are best buddies since little and always share their food and recipe. They are too master until they feel the needs to take a students and teach them how to be a master in cooking too. But one day, they got into a fight because of their students and they stop talking to each other anymore. (Kind of sad to see this friendship ruined just like that). Until then, both of them become so famous and old, they miss each other and want to make a fresh start again but.. one of their students (who actually the reason for their argument) will do anything to make they stay as enemy until they die...

Since the movie is in 3D and in sepia mode.. I can felt that all the food they cook just right in front of me and the great thing is we also can smell the nice aroma of the food..err hungry!

But not all of that 3D thingy are great.

Zed Zaidi was walking slowly, step by step towards his master Harun Salim Bachik, with a knife holding tight in his hand. He smiled slyly.
"Wow, what a delicious brunh you prepared this all alone?" Asked him with a slow voice right behind his master.
"Yes of course, I'm going to teach the other fresh interns about this new recipe.." His master happily tell the story while he just make a disguise face at behind.
"Datuk,.." He called his master with 'datuk.'
"Yes?"
He pushed his master down to the floor and chuckled a little bit.
"May I take 30 seconds out from your life?"

"Aaaahhhhhh"

The audiences screaming in horror as some of them closed their eyes to prevent watching this totally violent scene yet my eyes were widely open as his knife cruelly stab deep inside his master body over and over again as the blood spread all over the screen for like 30 seconds! and watching it in 3D you will feel like you are the one who being stab. And that's scared me to death!

"May I take 30 seconds out from your life?"

I cannot delete that line out of my head. It keep replaying like a broken radio.

I was traumatized.



**


"What a psycho movie hah?"

"Yesh.. I guess all of us cannot stand red anymore.."

We discussed about the movie again on the way back home.

And suddenly a cat got into the way in the middle of night! Our car tried to budge it but we go the wrong side and having a small accident.

I can feel it's foreshadowing something bad later on.


**


The next two days all of us are going to our own destination to do our internship. And me? I'm doing my internship at hometown.. So I back to Banting!! Weee clap clap..

I got a place at a hotel owns by someone rich I don't know his name but I called him 'uncle'. He is so rich he has many buildings, bungalow, villa and a lot of properties I can even count. So he is my boss I guess. At first I work as a intern receptionist. But then, he asked me to work in a kitchen.

Kitchen?

Which kitchen?

His bungalow's kitchen.

Lol.

I feel like a maid already. I think I am being a maid at his house! Is this life that interns should face everyday? Only follow the superiors order without saying our right?
Actually, I loved working there. The environment is so wonderful colourful joyful and all the ful you can add-on. And the kitchen, walaweh its so neat, luxury, white and i can make a music video there while cooking random food. This is so weird since my recipe in my brain are so limit like a kid who knows only ABC. but whatever, i love working here..The bungalow is white and surrounded by a green garden. It's like a castle on a hill. It so beautiful. But then, only this man and his beloved wife live there. They got no children so they adored me a lot. Since I'm cute and I'm a maid wearing maid costume. (This part is not trustworthy at all).

Although my internship sounds smooth and good but there was a day when scary things happened. A lot things happened actually especially when I'm working alone at the kitchen. Its not surprising since this house is big and there's no much people living in it. It also seems spooky and what's your opinion to a white bungalow on a hill and surrounded by trees? Haunted right? I always experienced situations like the plate that I placed on table move to another place; whenever i want to take an ingredient from the cabinets i feel like someone hide it from me; the fridge open and close whenever it want; the water in sink flow automatically; i heard foot step running at stairs; someone chuckle; suddenly a cold wind on my neck and i used to accidentally cuts my finger on a knife and i wash the bloodstain only to realize the next day, the blooodstain is still there on the knife! I knew there are quite a lot of 'them' living in this house. Luckily i never saw 'them' right in front of my eyes. But the most scariest thing happened in my working time was that particular time where the boss' relatives come to visit the house. There are father, son, daughter and little kid. They are walking around the house and suddenly come to the kitchen. As I greet them friendly in a maid manner (urgh i feel like want to use chef rather than maid can I?) the daughter, aka young pretty girl talk to me. She is pretty!

"smile!" She said coldly to me. Like giving an order. I am smiling at that time, so i looked at her wondering the meaning of her word.

"don't make a fake smile. Smile like this" She smiling showing her flashing teeth with that blink blink effect but change into pokerface right away. So i grinning showing my teeth like a goat eating a grass on a field. She stopped me after that saying;

"enough. It's ugly after 30 seconds."

She sway her long shiny hair every time she move and watch everything in disguise. She sure full of swag. :P

"Okay miss.. everything for you.." I feel like want to kick her and push her downstair already since she keep forcing me to praise her beauty while I'm actually doing my work on the kitchen. Wait, why you to hang out here at kitchen? Go away play at the playground.. By then I just realize her brother also tag along with us but keep silenced in the corner while drawing circles I guess.

"Hm do you think we can play bowling outside?" She asked me in princess tone. I looked outside trying to figure if bowling is possible or not. Well i never NEVER play bowling (except boling kelapa yg pin guna botol2 kosong tuuu) so I'm not really sure. But suddenly I saw from kitchen window one makcik there holding a bowling ball and try to throw it away downhill. And the ball hit the ground hardly it feel like an earthquake happening, what most terrified was the bowling ball goes straight to the kitchen window, smashed it like an action movie and i can feel the wind blows strongly right beside my face.

And the bowling ball hit that girl face,

Hit her face!

Oh my God!!! Blood spread everywhere on that white kitchen! And i cannot blink anymore as I saw her half face already ruined almost destroy and the only thing i can think about is "she's not pretty anymore!". She cried and screaming, shouting what happened to her face which if I'm in her place i will be collapsed already. And what surprised me the most was when her brother suddenly pick a knife, come towards her and stab her over and over again exactly like in a scene of '30 seconds'.

I am traumatized. Again.

Madam, who is the wife of my boss consoled me and said that everything will be okay. I hope so.


**


Madam died.

I don't know what exactly happened but my boss come with a grieving face said that madam already died for unknown reason. He left alone in this big house. I try to say something but my tongue go numb so I just being silenced and listen everything that he will say afterwards.

"I'm going to sell this house. There's no reason for me to live here anymore. You can back to work at hotel after this." He said firmly while I'm cleaning the kitchen. I am shock but this can be accepted from someone who just lost his love partner. I watching him carefully as he go away from that place. I realize something odd on him. His face looks slightly different not to mention his style of walking. Its like his has no bones at all. Not stable and limbs and that hands - like a zombie.

As I want to pack up my belongings on the kitchen, I heard many familiar voices and as I looked behind. I smiled widely. Its my family! They come to visit me at my workplace! (which after this not my workplace anymore). I was so happy to see them i have a feeling like we do not meet each other for a long time. We chat a lot about current issues happening in the family, about my workplace, about my boss who want to sell this bungalow and everything. My mum (who loves kitchen so much) seems really interested in the kitchen i'm working at. She wander around, check everything as this is her place while me and my others siblings hanging out at living room. (we totally make this house like ours). Suddenly i saw my dad and my boss are talking like they have known for years. Turns out that they actually a childhood friend which play guli and tengteng together. And another suprised thing is actually when my boss said that he canceled to sell the house yet he wants to give this bungalow to us as her rewards for my intensely effective working contibution and a gratitude gift lol.

Like seriously? WOW.

All of us are excited to get a big house for free since we are a big family who live only in terrace house so getting a bungalow is like a dream comes true. But my mom refused it. She seems afraid after leaving the kitchen (i can guess what happen there). Yet we insists her to received it with an open hand and after a while. She said that this house scared her and she afraid of ghost so she doesn't want any bad spirit disturb her and her family. And me, who blinded by luxury life confidently said "We can chase away the ghost.. we can call ustaz, we can pasang pagar, we solah and read Quran everyday so why we afraid of the ghost? They cannot disturb us if we have a strong faith to Allah." and my siblings also joins convincing my mother in a ceramah way. (She really loves watching 'Celik Hati' on TV9) and in 30 seconds in deep thought, finally she agreed. We screaming in happiness. The next day we move in to the bungalow.

That day was so wonderful. The nice weather, the blue sky, the green grass and the wind that cherish my skin smoothly as i running around happily chasing a butterfly in a beautiful garden surrounded the bungalow. I saw my parents having their quality time at balcony upstairs. I wave at them, they wave at me back. I saw my little brother play alone at the playground, i shout at him, he shout at me back. I laugh. I poke my sisters who happily watching KBS world on TV and my others sister who relaxed herself in a pool. And i run to all area of the house except kitchen (maybe because i spent too much time there). It's a great feeling to have this kind of house and land belong to us. I whispered to myself which part of the house need to be 'pagar' as i felt 'something' present at that place. I run again to check another place because i want to make sure this new house totally clean from that 'thing'. I dont want 'them' to live here anymore and disturb the peacefulness of my family. I stopped running at an small alley towards the jungle behind the house. I feel a strange wind as as that wind blows and the trees follow to the left. I scared a little bit. it getting near me. near.. and near..i closed my eyes.

"Bahh!!" Someone just shouted at my ears tried to make me scared. I look at behind only to see my cousin smile happily. She comes to stay with us for a night. I massage my temple who still in a great shock. She asked me to jog around with her and I agreed right away. We running slowly while holding hand like in the movie. So graceful and you can insert the music background 'lalala' in that scene. We across the same place as I was running before. I saw no one at balcony or in the playground.

Where are they?

We entered the big house and no sounds only the kreekk of the door. I wonder where all the people have gone? The TV is off, and the pool is empty. I walk around finding my family members with my cousin still tag along holding my hand tightly. I search in their respective room, no one. I started to feel nervous and worried. My instinct strongly said the kitchen yet I feel like the kitchen is the last place i want to go. Still, i put all of my courage and took a lightly step towards that place. I still holding my cousin's hand so i'm not afraid cause of this accompany. Step, by step. Suddenly a stong wind blows towards us and then TUPP! all goes black!

"Blackout?" My cousin scared and hug me tightly yet i was like my phone! I need light! I am using my hello kitty phone and with that little source of light, we walk near the kitchen. You can imagine how nervous i was at that time. My heart feel like want to explode already. As I was walking, my leg bump into something and i put a light to see what on the floor.

Guess what.

A dead body.

Of my boss.

and madam.

I want to scream out loud but I control myself. I was panicked but I need to run away faster. At that time, although its dark, i can clearly see someone stand near the kitchen door. she's all white. Staring right to me. And i was like,

"Its okay.. she will just gonna stand there and do nothing.."

Talk about having a positive mind! That white form i'm not quite sure she is a girl or ghost but sure she look soooo creepy are moving. and i also moving backwards. I remember having my cousin by my side! I still holding her hand though! But then, i felt the unusual coldness on my hand. And extremely strange feeling that there something beside me.

"Well, This hand not belong to my cousin, right?"

That person besides me laughing out loud. I looked at him. I'm amazed. Suddenly the darkness turn into a sepia mode. he was the student of the master chef! and he holding a knife, and he walk creptly near me. and he smiled.

"May I take 30 seconds out from your life?"
 




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 6.28pm

I woke up.

"Phew, what a nightmare!"



Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Kurrr?

Its been 7 years.

People still keep laughing at me.

About that.


It all started on one fine day somewhere in the middle of 2007, at that time I was hanging out at the back of the class with my cliques. As we chatting randomly about any issues that matters (mostly about anime because I'm such a big otaku back then) suddenly Dye talked about her chickens. She made that sounds "kuurrrrr~~" whenever she feed her chickens. And I was nonchalantly said "kru..kru..kruu.."

And here we go~~

"Puhahhahahahahaha"
"Ya..keep laughing at me.. I'm used to it.."
"Kruu.. kruu.. hahahahahahhaha"
"If you call the chicken by that sound, not just chicken, crocodile also can come! haha" the others join teasing me.





And after years being teased with the same pronunciation, 7 years later, at the age of twenty. One cold night at my rent house living near by the campus.

"Kru.. kru.. kruu.."
"Puhahahahahahaha" I just smiling seeing them so happy laugh like there's no other tomorrow at my weird pronunciation.
"Its not kru.. it supposed to be kurrrr~~" said my roommate while hold her laughter.
"kurrr?"
"Yesh, and you should vibrate the 'r' like this kurrrr~~~"
"okay.. i'll try.."

"kru.. kru.. kruu.."

"Hahahahahhaha"







No matter how much I practice, it will sounded flat and awkward.
So chicken,
"Kru..kru..kruu.."









Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Random Awesome

It all began
At a bus stop one weekend
We were classmates but not a friend
Till we realize both are locksmith gang
And with your Facebook account
And my broadband bill on
Let's talk something random
Turn into something awesome

Monday, January 6, 2014

Change

Things do not change
We change.

You changed.

Things wouldnt be the same
As before
Cause we are not the same
Anymore

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Equation of life

This is the result when Math and English combined;



Hope = Dream

Hope + Action = Effort

Hope + Action + Respond = Reality



Observed by : Me and Dye
Being observed : MCB




Ego = Pride

Ego + Love = Hard to confess/realize

Ego + Love + Unstable hormone = Big fight



Observed by : Me
Being observed : Us






To be continued.

Tak tahu.

Tak tahu.

Tak tahu bila ianya bermula
Perasaan yang berkecamuk di jiwa
Tak tahu sampai bila
Rasa sayang gelora asmara
Tak tahu mengapa
Tiap kali kau lukakan hati ini
Aku terima dengan rela
Tak tahu kenapa begini
Bodohkah aku kerna cinta?


TSK.

Jijik.


Tak tahu perasaan sendiri.

Kaulah orang nya itu.

Buat aku rasa ingin muntah pelangi.













Amaran : Ini hanyalah kegilaan sementara dan ditulis secara spontan dalam masa 0.56 saat akibat tidak mempunyai idea untuk buat assignment poem.

New year

I don't really care about new year actually. To me what we need is to cherish everyday and make it meaningful is more than enough - accept the part where i really need to remember its new year already so i will not mistakenly write a date with 2013 on it.

So what so special about new year?

New mission?
New wish?
New promise to self?

I always made one randomly though.

Like this 2014, i playfully said "i will make sure i get an ideal butt this year".
LOL. Obviously i was only joking (there is always a little truth in 'i was joking').

Whatever it is, everyone has their own way to celebrate this day.

Same goes to me.

I play a game called "who's reply faster".

How to play?
1) Send New Year wishes to all friend
2) Wait and see who's reply the most faster.

Its a fun game. I used to play it in many version; Raya version, Birthday version, or even random version (such as Hi, Yo and so on). But while having fun there will be a lot of hurtful things too.
Such as:
* Your friends reply late
* Your friends reply short and totally uninterested
* Your friends never reply

Last but not least, "Happy New Year"


- already late -